It's been quite some time since I last blogged. Not much has been going on in the world of kinky and I've been unbelievably busy as a full-time ministry professional with a part-time ministry gig on the side.
Often, at the end of the day, I'll think to myself, "Gee, tonight would be a nice night to pull out the riding crop or ask Doc to use the belt." But by the end of the night, I'm too exhausted to make the request. I don't have the mental energy necessary to engage in play and so I say nothing, perfectly satisfied and quite delighted just to fuck.
Last week, though, something happened, and I don't have a place to talk about it and though it's not really related to the purpose of this blog, I don't want to write about it elsewhere.
Doc and I were watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, about 3/4 of the way through Season 6. Willow is detoxing and Buffy has broken up with Spike and Anya has gone back to being a vengeance demon and Xander is trying to pull himself together.
Spike shows up when Buffy is about to take a shower and assaults Buffy, attempting to rape her.
While we were watching the show, I had been lying on the couch, my head in Doc's lap, playing with his penis, a favorite pastime of mine. When the assault began, I was mostly okay. It was awkward, but I didn't think too much of it. Then, Buffy was on her stomach, crawling away from Spike and he grabbed her from behind.
I withdrew my hand. I didn't want to see a non-kinky depiction of sexual violence while touching Doc's penis. What if his penis went soft? There would be no fun later. What if it got harder in response to the multiple stimuli?
I have no doubt that Doc would never assault anyone. But in that moment, I wasn't sure I could easily separate out Doc's response to being touched from my own horror at watching the show.
We didn't have sex that night. I didn't touch Doc's penis again and he didn't initiate sex with me when we went to bed.
I spent the next three days passing bloody stools. Body memory. It was unexpected. I thought I'd moved past that. *sigh*
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